uggh!

I had a baby, and life just seemed to be crazy, all my worst fears keeping coming true and people keep saying well at last you made it through... They don't get me at all. My life is pitiful and I feel I don't have a real agenda or a purpose... what has happen to me? What will become of me...

To tell the truth...

To tell the truth, shouldn't be a complicated task... But why do so many people struggle with it. I try my hardest to always be a honest trust worthy person but often find my self surrounded by people who don't live up to these standards. What have I gotten myself in to....

What Do You Call It?

How do you know if your in love or if your mind is just playing a cruel joking on you. How do you know if someone truly loves you or if they are sticking around because they benefit from having you in their life. I am so confused & I dont know what to think or even how to feel... In all my 29 years I have never felt this unsure of myself. Do I hand my heart over & free fall...OR do I keep it locked away to make sure its never broken. Sadly I blame my father for this feeling, a girl is supposed to learn unconditional love from her father and mine bailed & ignores me as if it was some fault of my own, So if he cant show me he loves me how can I expect any other man to fall?  What do you call this feeling?

Guilty by association...

Have you ever felt that you were being pre judge by someone by something that you had no contol over such as race, gender, height, weight, etc.? Well I feel at times that my sons father lumps me in with the gagle of baby mommas he has delt with or seen or heard of. Now I haven't even had my baby yet so far I feel as though I have changed for the better I realize that my decission don't just affect me it affects all of us. So when I have a choice to make I even consider his opinion. I have never been a selfish person who does this just for my benefit. It hurts me when he says negative things about things I could possibly do just because I am a woman, a black woman. He always says that I am different (in a good way) than any of the women he has every dated but he keeps tryin to lump me in how should I feel about this?... What should I do?...

It's a Boy

I am having a Boy and I am so excited I have a new out look on life. I love feeling him move around inside of me he is a very active little guy. He has a buda belly. I love him so much he is my lil Pupa.

Still adjusting

Well on Jan 9th on a trip to the ER I found out I was ....PREGNANT!!!! I know I can't believe I am going to be someones Mommy... Even tho this is very unexpected and very much a surprise, I am happy, we are happy. 
Its funny how my birth control decided not to work but that tells me this was ment to be, a blessing. I am 11 weeks and I heard the baby's heart beat and saw the blessed angel I cant imagine not having this baby, I cant understand why or how some one could choose a death sentence for this tiny person. I feel blessed that Im giving this oppertunity.